2019, I bid you ado


Another year has come and gone and I am ready to bid it ado. To say 2019 was a rough year for me would be an understatement — 2019 was one of the most emotionally tolling years of my adult life.

On April 5, I married my dear friend Erica and her husband Isaias in a lovely park surrounded by her closest family and friends. I was honored to be there for her in this way.

On April 7, my Uncle John passed away unexpectedly due to complications from his brain injury.

On April 8, my Uncle Herman passed away. My dad called me at 5 in the morning and I felt the sucker punch. Uncle Herman was sick for awhile but on April 7, I got to see him one last time and we joked and drank coffee just like old times. Despite being sick for weeks, he had a really good day, a day filled with many visitors from loved ones. I tear up even as I write this because I still miss him so much. He was like a grandfather to me. I saw him every week growing up and he rarely missed a birthday or holiday. I still miss him every single day.

On July 2, I got the initial news that my mom had cancer again.

On July 12, I performed another marriage ceremony for my friend Erica and Isaias.

On August 14, my mom had surgery and was diagnosed with Stage 3 Fallopian Tube cancer.

On September 15, my Uncle Mike passed away.

On September 19, my mom started chemo for the third time in her life.

On October 15 & 29, I had cataract surgeries. My vision improved from -23.50 left eye and -22.50 right eye to -1 in both eyes. I had to take three weeks off of work to recover and I had to rely heavily on Jak to help take care of me – from being my reading eyes to driving me to every appointment or anywhere else I needed to go.

In November, I decided it was time to seek new career opportunities after 4.5 years with the same company.

As I sit here, reflecting on this year past I know I am stronger because of it, but am nonetheless ready to bid it ado. I am ready to see what 2020 brings.


As for the past decade? I have grown exponentially. When I reflect on the past ten years, it honestly feels like a lifetime ago. I was a completely different person. I was struggling to find my way in my career. I felt very green and eager to learn and be as much as I could. Now I know the value I bring to my career and organization. I have deep interests and passion in doing feel good work and I want to make sure my talents and expertise contribute to creating a better, safer and more just world.

This decade brought us to our first home. After a grueling year of looking and applying, we found a house eight blocks from my parents house in my childhood neighborhood.

This decade made me an auntie several times over, a role I love and take very seriously. I would do anything for my munchkins and I hope to always be available to them in whichever way they need me — from a safe and warm lap to sit on to being their biggest cheerleader in life.

This decade I loved and lost and loved again. I gave so much of myself, eagerly looking for love in all of the wrong places and oftentimes losing sight of myself in the process. But then I found someone who helped me find me. Someone who propped me in front of the mirror and taught me how to not only love myself but showed me what unconditional love is and can be. Thank you, Jak, for being patient with me throughout the years. I love you to the moon and back and around earth twice.

This decade I finally dealt with many burdens. I grieved loss so deep and then found ways to find hope again. I left a religion I never belonged to and opened my mind and eyes to new thoughts and beliefs. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but I found the courage to face and manage these mental illnesses in productive ways.

I am still not entirely sure what my purpose on this earth is, but I am not giving up on the search. Maybe someday I will find it but if not, I hope to explore and live each day as much as I can. I plan to be here to witness and experience it, one moment at a time.

Picture of 2020 cut out numbers on a wood floor with confetti

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

Posted in Learning, Life, Struggles, Success

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