A to Z: Xanax

(An A to Z Challenge entry)

X

That feeling of unable to catch your breath
and waiting for the next opportunity to jump
overwhelms me. Trepidation of sweat and tears
bead on my forehead.
My mind can’t stop racing,
running marathons inside my skull,
passing thoughts back and forth
like a game of Frisbee.
I CAN’T THINK.
My hands clam up so bad that
if we were playing Paddle Ball,
I wouldn’t need Velcro to catch
every ball containing fear, worry
stress
stress
STRESS.
My heart is beating so fast
so loud
that it sounds like a snare drum
thumping inside my ribs.

I

C
A
N
T

E
S
C
A
P
E

Finally the time comes.
I pop my pill and wait.
And for the next few hours,
I can experience moments
of calm and quiet,
and I can finally rest.

Disclaimer: I have not had any experience with Xanax and am not attempting to imply I know anything about it. I gathered the emotional content for this poem based off some personal experience as well as some research. I am not promoting the use of drugs — every decision must be made on an individual basis. This poem is simply created to qualify as my “X” post for the A to Z Challenge.

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Posted in A to Z Challenge, Poetry
4 comments on “A to Z: Xanax
  1. daniel derasmo says:

    From a non-recreational, actually-need-pills-to-get-by perspective, Xanax is pretty awesome.

    Though I will say that the subject here could probably be served better by a med starting with a different letter. Tragic…

    • kborman says:

      I imagine it can be helpful for some, those who need it and if it works for them.

      As for the subject, I just imagined going through an anxiety-ridden panic attack and putting words to it — and then, for those who do keep balance with meds, how the assistance might feel, even if only for a few hours at a time.

  2. Jak says:

    Ah yes, the infamous X post! dun Dun DUN! You get it >.< While I have only had one (maaaaaybe two) full-fledged panic attacks, I would have to say "I can't escape" is pretty spot on with my experience. This is heavily induced by the shortness of breath and feeling like you are going to suffocate, but there is no where to run and escape to.

    I really like the way you wrote the poem in attempts to mimic/parallel the possible affects one may endure during an episode.

    I've never used Xanax, or any medication, for my anxiety, so I'm not sure how beneficial (or not) the results would be in taking it.

    • kborman says:

      Yes, I have had one panic attack too – and in my experience, I had couldn’t breathe, started to hyperventilate, heart racing experience. I am glad I captured the right feelings, as I was hoping my choice of words and presentation would do so.

      As I said in my disclaimer – I have never used the drug either, but did some research into it. Some described it as a calming experience – settle the nerves so to speak, while others described it as a high. All depends on the person, like any drug, really. Wanted to capture the “couple of hours” relief, seeing as though Xanax, like most mental health drugs, aren’t simply a symptomatic drug, but one that patients must take every day. Like any treatment, there isn’t the one size fits all cure, but rather something a person learns to manage.

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