As someone who holds independence and alone time on the highest level. And as someone who used to consider herself a non-mushy, non-romantic, PDA hater. As someone who built walls to hide and protect her heart. Someone who kept her most vulnerable sides and states a secret.
That is not the case anymore.
I found love and love found me.
The past few months, I found myself trying to fight it: out of protection, out of nonacceptance, out of fear, out of not feeling worthy or deserving. My mind and my heart were in conflicting states — my mind being protective of my heart. Telling me of all the things I “should be” doing instead. All the stuff I should work on instead. How to prioritize differently. But despite all of those negative reasons, love held on. And here I am today.
It feels different this time around. It is like when people say you have found your better half and you would do anything to to fight for that person. That you are in it for the long haul.
I miss Jak when I don’t see him. I love spending time with him. He makes me smile and laugh every day. He challenges me to think differently. He shows me how to be more compassionate. He slows me down. He wipes my tears and holds me tight. He calms my worries and fears. He tells me I am beautiful. He tells me I am talented. He dreams big with me, but tells me when I am being silly or unrealistic. He motivates and encourages and supports my aspirations and creative endeavors.
He buys me chocolate cake and milk.
My life is changing and I love every minute of it. I am in love.
This is happiness; this is love; this is what makes life divine.