For many years, I have created a New Years goal list, one goal for every year (e.g. 12 goals for 2012). This year, I am stopping that tradition. Not because I don’t like it, but because this year I only have two priorities:
- To holistically work on myself. I need to rediscover confidence in my self worth, and re-learn how to be comfortable in my own skin. I need to focus on my strengths, let go of what I cannot change, and love myself regardless.
- One of the best ways I can accomplish #1, is by dedicating my time and energy on the one thing truly ignites me. I need to be an artist by fully re-integrating art into my life
Ever since I was a little girl. I wanted to be an artist of some type. In first grade I wanted to paint/decorate shoes like my aunt Susie. From elementary through high school I wanted to write and illustrate children’s books. In college, I lived and breathed art. I spent endless hours in the art studios; I surrounded myself with like-minded people with similar goals.
Then I graduated into the “real world” of bills and a working life and my passion fell to the roadside. For a while it was a hobby and then it became something far worse — it became something I used to do. I have dabbled here and there over the last several years, but for other people. A request here, a work assignment there, a gift for a friend. But I haven’t created art for me: Art that I love, art that I created with the sole intent of fulfilling my passion. I struggled with it. Instead of having the support network to encourage me to plow through the valleys, I was constantly reminded I couldn’t survive by being an artist, that it wasn’t a realistic way to live. And then I believed it.
But that is not who I am. The flame inside of me is an artist. Art for me is not just visual art, but the written form as well. I still want to be an artist when I grow up but it doesn’t just magically happen. I have to start somewhere and then I need to work hard for it. But I have to do it for me.
Over the years, I have crafted many artist statements. I have written many poems and papers. But the one that stuck is:
“Writing is my expression; art is my passion.”
Remember that flame on a matchstick? It has been ignited — and this time, I can’t let it blow out.